Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Andy Levy VS Chris Brown: You spelled 'punching' wrong.

Greg: Hey, Andy.

Andy Levy: Hey, Greg. Before we begin, I would like to take a minute and talk about something that happened Tuesday night. Around 8 o'clock here on the east coast, RnB singer Chris Brown tweeted, "no more planking for me unless it's on a sexy lady! LOL". So I saw this tweet, and I retweeted it adding, "you spelled 'punching' wrong". Obviously a reference to the fact that Brown was arrested in 2009 for assaulting his then girlfriend Rihanna.

But now, in the light of day, I would like to apologize to Chris Brown and to his fans who are known as "Team Breezy". To Mr. Brown, I apologize for referencing the fact that you beat the crap out of Rihanna. It was disrespectful of me to draw attention to the fact that you put your girlfriend in the hospital. And further, it was not my place to make people remember that you beat a woman with your fist, leaving her with multiple facial contusions, a bloody nose and a split lip - I know that now.

I also appreciate the fact that you tweeted me, letting me know that children conduct them selves better than I do. You are correct.
And I can only hope to one day mature to the point where I can conduct myself in a more adult manner, possibly by throwing a chair out of a window, and storming out the building with my shirt off. I ask only for your patience.

To "Team Breezy", I would like to also say that I'm sorry, and thank you for your thousands of tweets, which taught me a lot about the creative possibilities of spelling, grammar and syntax. Possibilities I never even IMAGINED before last night. In particular, I would like to thank the female members of "Team Breezy", who have taught me, that as long as you sing, you can beat the living hell out of a woman - and other women will still love you.

And lastly, I apologize to everyone for using Twitter to subtly address the fact that I think it's disgusting that a guy who put his girlfriend in the hospital can, a mere two years later, be warmly welcomed back to society, appearing on shows such as "Saturday Night Live" - as if everyting he did magically never happened. It won't happen again.

Greg: That's nice.

Andy Levy: Thank you. Really, Greg, the only thing Chris Brown is guilty of...?

Greg: What?

Andy Levy: A felony.