Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Overheard in New York (I Miss NYC)

Oh My God, Don't Do It.
Stupid girl #1: So I tried killing myself at lunch today.
Stupid girl #2, uninterested: No way!
Stupid girl #1, completely serious: Yeah, like me and Jackie were listening to suicidal music and I took a pen and crawled under the table. But Jackie was like "Ohmigod! Don't do it!"
Stupid girl #2: I'm hungry.
Stupid girl #1: Me too. Ohmigod! Let's get empanadas!

Marry Him; He's a Keeper
Guy: What happened?
Girl: So he, like, lied to me. And then he was really mad at me. And then he was like really really really mean to me like forever. And now I'm sucking his dick.

Guy to friend: I ran into this girl the other day and she said "you don't remember me? You fucked me like last week!" so I said "girl, youse a hoe!"
--1 Train

50-something guy to another: That's why I never cheat on my wife, because I know I'd get caught. I just wish she wasn't getting so fat.
--Outside Essex House

Flamboyant gay man to couple pushing bulldog in stroller: Oh my god! Your dog ate your baby!