Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Life Is Not A Walk In The Park

Unless, of course, we're talking about a walk in Central Park at night, where you for some reason forgot your pepperspray, and of course decided to wear the tightest jeans you could possibly wear so you can't hide the money you just withdrew from the ATM in your pockets, and of course the battery just went low on your cell, because you spoke for one hour and three minutes with a friend whom, when you come to think about it, really don't like, and when you really don't know if you should call your friends right now to tell them that you're walking alone in the park, or wait because you, before you remembered you were going to walk alone in Central Park at night, you thought you would be the coolest cat on the block with a friggin iPhone in your hand and really just wanted to fit in, but now in the dark park you suddenly stand out and you realize that the phone might attract predators instead of scaring them away, but if they're going to rob you anyway maybe you should call, because you obviously can't run in those fucking tight jeans you bought, but the fucking iPhone is at no use because you can't fucking call anyone because it's freezing outside as well, and then you have to take off your gloves because the whole phone is a friggin' touch screen, and you realize how the cool applications won't help you now, and how all the hours you used to play games on the phone just were a waste, which totally sucks and now you realize that you used almost all your money on this shit and it can't help you in this damned situation, and then you hear a sound and you think "oh my god, what was that sound?!", and oh how you wish you could run, "MarymotherofjesusCHRIST, who is that guy walking over here?", and you think to yourself "run, run, run!" because he's gonna rob you, or worse sodomize your ass, okay, not a robber, but still a weirdo bum, but that doesn't help 'cause you just peed in your pants anyway, your fucking expensive pants, and of course now your hands are so cold you didn't even notice that you iPhone slipped out of your hand, and whaddya know, the weirdo bum is running away with it, you got robbed anyway, and you think about how much that sucks balls, and how you don't like sucking balls and don't get why people do that, and you realize you're making a digression, and that you need to focus and get the hell out of here, and you're almost there, and then you hear the son of a bitch that took your iPhone talking in Indian, "that fucker is calling to India!", and you wonder how a bum who looked Caucasian actually speaks Indian, and even weirder, have friends in India, but who the hell cares, because you just realized you're out of the park, and you think to yourself that this park was a bitch, but in the end you're happy that you at least didn't get killed, and your ass isn't sore, and that iPhone was fucking stupid anyway, and how peeing yourself actually is pretty comforting for two seconds while the warm pee is defreezing your legs, and somehow made you think of your friends, which is really weird, and how that, when you come to think about it, the trip through the park was actually friggin' awesome. THEN
life is a walk in the park.