Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Friday, October 24, 2014

Are You Sure You're Not a Feminist?

fem·i·nism (fm-nzm)
n.

1. Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.
2. The movement organized around this belief.


fem·i·nist (fm-nst)
n.
A supporter of feminism.


It's unbelievable that some women, despite knowing the true definition of the word, do not consider themselves feminists. I'm sorry, but I'm not ever going to sit here and say - nor accept the notion - that I'm of any less worth or importance than any man, solely due to my gender.

I am, and I've always been and always will be, a fervent advocate for equality and justice. I was born a feminist, baby.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Boyhood: Darkroom Chat

Mr. Turlington: [Enters the darkroom] How long have you been in here, Mason?
Mason: Not sure.
Mr. Turlington: I'm sure: All class. Did you complete your image diary?
Mason: Not yet.
Mr. Turlington: Completed your digital contact sheet?
Mason: Not quite, but, I mean, it's not gonna take me long.
Mr. Turlington: "Not yet." "Not quite." Darkroom time is extracurricular. I mean, technically, you don't ever have to be in here these days. And certainly not until you've completed your assignments. That's the deal.
Mason: [Sarcastically] Sorry.
 

Mr. Turlington: I'm worried about you, Mason.
Mason: [Laughs] Why is that?

Mr. Turlington:
I'll tell you why: The images you're turning in, they're cool. You're looking at things in a really unique way. Got a lot of natural talent.
Mason: Thanks.

Mr. Turlington:
Yeah, but that and 50 cents will just get you a cup of coffee in this old world. I've met a LOT of talented people over the years. How many of them made it professionally without discipline, commitment and really good work ethic?
Mason: [Shrugs]

Mr. Turlington:
I can tell ya. I can count it on two fingers: [Makes A-ok hand gesture] Zero. It's not gonna happen for you, Mason. The world is too competitive. There are too many talented people who are willing to work hard; and a buttload of morons who are untalented, who are more than willing to surpass you. As a matter of fact, a lot of them are sitting in that classroom out there right now. Hm? You know what they're doing? They're doing their assignments. Which is what you're supposed to be doing, but you're not. You're in here. Now, why is that? You're special, Mason?
Mason: No, but, I mean, the things you're talking about, like, work ethic or whatever, I feel like I do work pretty hard. I spend the hold weekend taking pictures a lot of times.

Mr. Turlington:
You like football, Mason?
Mason: Not really.

Mr. Turlington
:
Yeah, I know you don't. That's why I've just assigned you to shoot the football game tonight. Okay? Starts at 7.30, I want you to get there early. I want you to shoot a full card, 300 images. I want 'em downloaded, I want 'em sorted, and I wanna see 'em very first thing Monday, okay? Wanna know why I'm doing this?
Mason: I guess.

Mr. Turlington:
Who do you wanna be, Mason? What do you wanna do?
Mason: I wanna take pictures. Make art.

Mr. Turlington:
Any dipshit can take pictures, Mason. Art, that's special. What can you bring to it that nobody else can?
Mason: That's what I'm trying to find out.

Mr. Turlington:
Try harder. Hey, maybe in 20 years you can call old Mr. Turlington, and you can say: "Thank you, sir, for that terrific darkroom chat we had that day." [Walks out of the darkroom] Get back to class and do your work.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Face(book)-off: Penis Feelings


Facebook Friend:
it takes a lot of concentration and a sick mind, it's not as easy as you think [sic]

Reply:
We're not talking tantric masturbation here, buddy; or rather, Buddha. The ol' "pull till it's full"© (just made that up) usually works quite perfectly. Well, unless there's another problem at hand.

See what I did there?

FF:
so a man is just a cum bag full of semen waiting to be milked and if he cant there is something wrong with him? you little sexist.... or maybe im just a broken man [sic]

Reply:
Well, that was certainly a delightful - and not at all disturbing - description of the male sex. If that's what you gleaned, all by your brilliant self, from what I said; then yes, assuming you're a broken man would in all probability be a fair assessment.

FF2:
Well for some men it takes longer then a few seconds *insert manly throathclearing*. Also those words are mocking the poor men who dont have a 100% succes rate whom there are surely one or two somewhere. [sic]

Reply:
*Crickets*

Well, I certainly didn't intend for anyone to get butt - or penis - hurt over a seemingly innocuous "Kloke Ord" quote; but there you go - penis hurt happens. I'll be more careful next time, and uncomfortably put Someone Somewhere's potentially sensitive insensitive slow(to)poke penis in the back of my mind. Will do, Chris Ruffin!

FF2:
Well i wouldnt call it slow poke penis rather an enduring one. Secondly i though we agreed on that you dont think of my male member too much but well anything that helps you getting up that succes rate for women is fine by me. [sic]

Reply:
Slowpoking, "enduring;" tomato, tomatoe. Ah, so *you're* the Someone Somwhere that you were referring to? Why, [FF2], why didn't you just say so? No fear, young buddy, the only time you and the term "male member" pop up in the same breath or thought, is when I think or speak of/about The Awesome People Club. Well, up until just now of course. Now they may also appear together when I think or speak of/about the Someone Somewhere's Slowpoke Penis Club; but you seem confident about that, so obviously, no worries there either. Thank you for supporting my cause, [FF2]. Pray for progress, my friend, pray for progress.

FF3:
Poking my nose into the room....hmm i smell penis envy. [sic]

Reply:
Why am I not shocked that your nose smells (like) both penis and envy? Maybe it's your upper lip.

FF3:
I only smellt envy in the room and mind you i think you are the expert on how penises smell up close.. But i salute this well played zing. [sic]

Reply:
*Grins knowingly* Mhm. Sure, bro, whatever you say. *Nose tap* *Wink*

Expert on how a penis smells up-close, you say? Well, it's been a while since I last hung around a dick; so I'm sad to say, the smell eludes me. But perhaps you could refresh my olfactory memory; what was your favorite cologne again?

Why, thank you, [FF3]. Salutation appreciated. *Bows*

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Breastfeeding Is Not a Taboo

One day I'll have kids. And when that day comes, far in the future, I will breastfeed them. I will breastfeed them ALL OVER THE PLACE, feeling not shame nor guilt.







Saturday, February 8, 2014

Outsmart(ass)ing: "About Pregnancies: What I Just Realized" Face(book)-off



Facebook Friend:
Well there are some faults in your text.
1.It doesnt attack your eggs, more like one.
2. It doesnt suck your blood, but becomes part of your bloodcicle, thus also the weird form of the heart of a feutus which is more like a tube.
3. During birth and before birth this parasite actually makes it this way that loads of hormons etc are released so that the turture is not as bad. Still very bad dont get me wrong, but still.
4. Today you (the female) arent obliged to raise the child, but also the male can.
5. There are several options against this parasite too both before and after infection. [sic]

Reply:
And there is one huge fault in yours: You took my text literally.

P.S.:
Just for the sake of it, I'll take your literal response literally and humour you:
1) Whether it attacks your "egg" or "eggs," depends solely on the circumstances: You can have sex more than once. You can ovulate more than once. And albeit you're an identical twin; as a man preoccupied with medicine, you should still be informed about fraternal twins: During a menstrual cycle multiple ovulation can occur, and is when two or more eggs are released in a single cycle. Both eggs are released during one 24 hour period and are responsible for the birth of fraternal twins.

2) It never becomes a part of your "system," or more specifically, the cardiovascular/circulatory system; in fact, the mother's blood and the fetus's blood seldom come into contact; hence the placental barrier, which is composed of structures that separate the maternal and the fetal blood. Also, the fetus receives its nutrition from the mother through the placenta and the umbilical cord; hence my "parasitic comparison" (or perhaps more correctly; comparison to a parasite).

3) For one, it's not the fetus that releases the hormones, but the mother's body; and those specific hormones for that specific situation, would not be necessary if the situation hadn't occurred in the first place. Secondly, the sensation of not giving birth in comparison to giving birth - the release of oxytocin notwithstanding - is incomparable. One hurts, the other doesn't. Also, "the torture is not as bad" sounds close to an oxymoron; as the pain is still bad enough for it to be deemed and warrant the label of "torture." Also; "Male Dutch Television Hosts Suffer Through Simulated Birth":

4) Today, the (unprivileged) women who still don't have the option to, well, opt out of the situation due to various reasons, must - whether they like it or not - grow the baby inside their womb for (approximately) 9 months. And, unfortunately, at this stage of "child rearing," daddy-o - literally - can't share or carry the burden for you.

But, that's not all. For the first 12 months after birth, human babies continue to develop rapidly at a fetal rate in both brain size and body maturity; which calls for a great deal of investment by the mother both emotionally and physically. Thus - if we ignore the recent invention of formula or other substitutes - for another 12 months after birth, not only must the mother continuously nourish the baby with breast milk; but she must also care for and protect the infant as it is helpless.

And just for the sake of argument, let's, for a moment, bring formula and other substitutes into the equation. As of right now, breast milk is the best way to keep a baby healthy; it is scientifically deemed to be the ideal food for an infant due to its the immunity-boosting elements; which commercial infant formulas do not contain. Also, breast milk is easier to digest than formula for most babies. Thus, an infant's diet should preferably consist of breast milk. And due to babies huge metabolic need, which their mothers must meet, a mother may even temporarily lose around 4 percent of the volume of her brain. Keeping that in mind, one could argue that the most "energetically demanding" period of a woman’s life, is the extended period of breastfeeding needed by a human baby.

That said, as of today, a baby could not have been made had the father not made genetic contributions. But, despite the fact that the father easing the mother’s job by providing for or protecting her is most certainly favourable; it is not necessarily necessary for the survival of their offspring. In conclusion: Although a mother may not be juridically obliged to raise their children or be involved in their lives, and are able to legally give that responsibility to others; they still - on a general level - have a greater moral and social responsibility to take care of their children than do men.

5) Yes, that is correct (if only those with access to the resources needed are taken into consideration); but my commentary was not on the prevention or abortion of a pregnancy - but the actual pregnancy itself.

Facebook Friend:
Since we are on the litleral path.
Thank you Annie, I saw now the error in my ways. And as a logical human beeing I will not try to inflict these imense amounts of damage/torture and mutilations on a other beloved beeing. Thus lets cast out the chacles of this absurd system and never have children since it is unfair that one of the parts has to bear this gigantic burden solly and is preasured by socity to take these risks while the other part lives in absolute bliss. [sic]

Reply:
Why, you're very welcome, sir! Hear, hear! Although slightly puzzled by the thought process behind your replies (you respond literally to sarcasm, and with sarcasm to literal replies); we're glad to see that you seem to have regained at least some of your ability to detect and apply sarcasm. For a while there, we feared it had been permanently lost. Welcome back, Mr. [Facebook User]! We've missed you. - Signed, Seasoned Users and Fervent Fans of Sarcasm


Facebook Friend:
It is not my fault that you cannot follow my complex thoughtprocess. My abillities were never lost, but like a quantumparticle, as described by Heisenberg and Schroedinger, there but also not.
But this is physics, man stuff you know. [sic]

Reply:
Mhm. Sure, Poor Man's Sheldon. And when we all looked into that box, the poor cat was dead.

Friday, February 7, 2014

About Pregnancies: What I Just Realized

It's like I just realized, like, truly realized, exactly how fucking creepy it is to get pregnant. Someone infects you with a virus, a parasite; and then it attacks your eggs, multiplies like crazy, then it attaches itself to your womb, sucks out all your blood; and then it grows, and grows and grows, until it's fucking HUGE.

And then it tortures you by causing immense pain as it prepares itself to exit your body, through a - usually - tight, tiny orifice also known as the vagina; then it pushes itself through your vagina and completely maims and mutilates it.

And THEN it has the AUDACITY to cry as if IT is the one who suffered, and demand to suck on your breasts whenever it feel like it for months on end; and that you wipe its ass and feed it for eighteen years, EIGHTEEN years; it's now one of yo' kids, got you for EIGHTEEN years!

XChromosome - Multiply
"We back on line, we came to ride
We build, we stack, we multiply
We stay on the grind until we die
And back for mo', cause we can't get enough!"


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Philip Seymour Hoffman Is Gone, What Killed Him Is Still Here


February 2, 2014, alcohol, cocaine, and heroin killed Philip Seymour Hoffman. He is no longer with us, he is gone - he is no more. A father of three, a seemingly good guy and a BRILLIANT, highly talented actor.

Hard drugs take lives. There's nothing cool about it. It angers me that some people will stupidly and ignorantly perpetuate that image, when it fucking kills. If you love yourself, and more importantly, if you love the people who love you - don't do that shit. It's not worth it.

I would ask you to ask Philip Seymour Hoffman and every other person who lost their lives to drugs to verify this; but sadly, they're no longer with us, thus unable to do so. But, then I guess their absence - and the heartache of those left behind - is all the verification that you need.

Rest in peace, Philip Seymour Hoffman.





Thursday, December 5, 2013

How To Be Beautiful

You can buy outer beauty, but you can't buy inner beauty - not even with all the money in the world in your pocket. So, here's the best beauty tip anyone could ever give you:

Be a good person.

Because no physical attribute could ever trump a beautiful soul.